A Valentine's Day Massacre
Dear Reader
So, it's that time of year again. If you don't have the time to be
romantic with your dear lady love for the rest of the year why not be
forced into it by greeting cards manufacturers, rose sellers and
desperate restaurant owners. Notable mentions should also go out to
jewellers and numerous other retailers for whom this day is a bit of a
goldmine (pun intended). Valentine's Day is here.
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| Some flowers. |
I was curious, what came first, the day or the greetings card? It would appear that Valentine's Day came much earlier, initially honoring a number of martyrs named Valentinus, first recognised in 469AD. However we have Geoffrey Chaucer to
blame for the association between the date and the romance. What is
clear, is that Chaucer's court was not short of romance. Roses abounded,
confectionery and greetings cards were presented (no doubt on bended
knee). All that was missing was a mass-market postal service and a whole
card-board based industry would be born.
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| A truly lovely Valentine's Day Card. |
Which brings us, after the consumption of much nice food, wine and
chocolate to where we are today. Valentine's Day is an event, during
which any couple, married or otherwise is obliged, nay, compelled to
book into over-booked restaurants, purchase roses, presents, champagne,
cards and all manner of other things just because some people died in
unfortunate circumstances 1,600 years ago. The more astute amongt you
may have picked up on the words "obliged" and "compelled" in the
previous paragraph, as a result you may be sensing negativity to the
fine and established event that is Valentine's Day. If you did, well
spotted. I do have some problems with this occasion and I am not alone.
The following statement may sound like anti-romantic blasphemy to some,
but to myself and the Dear Lady Wife it makes perfect sense; we choose
not to celebrate Valentine's Day. To us it is just a normal day, cards
are not purchased, roses are not purchased, restaurants are not booked,
gifts are not exchanged, etc etc. There is a reason for this. Romance,
surely, should be spontaneous, not prescribed by a date in a calendar.
If I follow this logic to it's end when else would I be able to be
romantic? Birthdays, Christmas? How about whenever I feel like it? What
could be wrong with that?
Consequently Valentine's Day is a little bit different for me. It is
actually a little surreal. The normal ebb and flow of people through my
local supermarket is wrong. This year Valentine's Day fell on a Tuesday.
I have previously noted that Tuesday is a quiet day because a local
Pizza vendor has special offers on that day. This has been coined
the Domino's effect. This Tuesday is different. Our local supermarket is
busier than it should be. Men are exiting from the shop with nothing
but flowers. Men are hovering around the greetings card section of the
shop. Men are clustered around the Rom-Com section of the DVD shelf. I
need to get out, this is freaky, my Tuesday shopping experience has been
sullied by some weird religious cult, or maybe an alien invasion.
I get home and all is normal. Dear Lady Wife is on a conference call and
our cats (all boys) just want food, not flowers, thank God. Later I am
sent on an errand, to procure the evil cigarette. Wine has been
consumed, so I walk to the garage. The garage is in the middle of being
restocked with petrol, which for some inexplicable reason means that
nothing can be sold. So I go to my local pub, this being the next
nearest potential supplier of the evil tobacco. Being a polite soul I
procure an alcoholic beverage and ask for change for the cigarette
machine. This gives me a few minutes to survey the demographic of the
pub on this y strange day. Things are not as they should be. The pub is
full of men. There is not a female to be found, except for behind the
bar. Scientific analysis is required. These men are either:
- Single / Divorced.
- In so much trouble for not fulfilling their Valentine's Day obligations they have been thrown out, which means they are heading towards Single / Divorced at high speed.
- Like me, which means being in a pub on your own is perfectly acceptable.
I was tempted to ask these men which bucket they fell into but some of
them looked grumpy so in the interest of science I guessed instead...
- Single / Divorced .- 70%
- In so much trouble for not fulfilling their Valentine's Day obligations they have been thrown out, which means they are heading towards Single / Divorced at high speed. - 23%
- Like me, which means being in a pub on your own is perfectly acceptable. - 7%
So, single girls listen up. On Valentines's Day go to the pub. You have a
70-93% of pulling if you are in the mood. Science has proved this.
More Soon Dear Reader.
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